hmmmmmmmm....text.

I was talking to someone recently about what motivates us. Some people seem to derive their motivation from others, while some gather it from within themselves. I can't help but notice that it seems to be connected to whether or not we are introverted or extraverted. Those of us that spend our lives lost in our own thoughts gather our energy by playing with ideas or reliving our emotions. The people that are more outward thinking seem to get their drive from "doing" and from dealing with others. I don't have a degree in Psychology, but I believe Jung would agree with me.

For years I've been a highly motivated person. I think this was mostly because of my desire to take my imagination and materialize it. It pushed me. Over the last year however, I've gone through what can only be called a change of priorities. It has affected me. I've stop producing as much as I used to. Has this change of priorities robbed me of my motivation, or has it simply caused me to divert my energy to other tasks? It is difficult for me to say for sure. I certainly feel like I need to put energy into other aspects of my life. I know I've avoided addressing parts of my life in the past.

This weekend I felt energized. Strangely, it seems this new found sense of motivation came from dealing with others and not from exploring my own thoughts. Maybe this behavior is a sign of shift in my personality from introverted to extraverted. Maybe it is merely a coincidence. Regardless, I've tried to capitalize on this phenomenon as much as I can. I've gotten a great deal done this weekend; I got some much needed banking done, did my laundry, worked on a freelance project, hung out with my friends, met some new ones, reconnected with some I haven't spoken to in awhile, watched a good movie, finished a good book, and most impressively... cleaned my whole apartment.

I may never sleep again...

I have way too much time on my hands. Too much time to think always has mixed results. I've been reflecting about my own thought patterns lately. As far as I can tell I have at least four different categories of thoughts.

• Action Oriented Thoughts
• Pure Emotions
• Conscious Inner Dialogue
• In-between Thoughts (uncontrollable inner dialogue)

Action Oriented Thoughts are simple commands that require little effort. For instance, if my nose is itchy and I scratch it. There isn't any inner dialogue involved with this, my body simple responses to a neural impulse I'm generally unaware of.

Pure Emotions are pretty rare for me, so when I have them the hit me hard. Pure Emotions are when something you feel that is so powerful it drowns out all inner dialogue. Sobbing on the floor until you pass out might be a good example of this, but so would the waves of euphoria I get sometimes just by looking at someone I love.

Conscious Inner Dialogue is the form of thoughts that I have the most control over. I talk to myself in my own head to solve problems, daydream, and otherwise "think" about things. Conscious Inner Dialogue seems to be what people generally use to make their everyday decisions.

In-between Thoughts are what drive me nuts. These are the thoughts that I catch myself having in-between Conscious Inner Dialogue thoughts. They seem to be uncontrollable, and often reflect my overall mental health at the time. I suspect that they are parts of my sub-conscious bubbling up into my everyday thought patterns. I think that because although they often elicit an emotional response, they don't seem to be emotions themselves. Over the years I've had a myriad of different thoughts that would pop up in my head. This includes things like "I love her", "I want her back", "you should just kill yourself", songs that get stuck in my head, and old memories. Sometimes they are good, sometimes bad, but always distracting.

All of this brought me around to thinking about what I would give to have complete control over my own mind. What would I do to free myself of the painful thoughts and emotions I'm chained to. Would I give my right arm for it? It's hard to say. What kind of person would I be if I did? Would I be happy all the time, or would I be emotionally cold? I guess I'll never know...

I just started using Netflix. I was a die hard Blockbuster fan for the longest time, mostly because I'm a big fan of instant gratification. However, lately I've found that Blockbuster's selection is going down hill and more and more of the movies I rent are skipping. Netflix seems like the obvious solution.

So, one of the first movies I rented was Sahara, which has been out on DVD for a while now but I had never seen it. I figured that it was based on one Clive Cussler's best novels and it had to be good... there is some faulty logic for you. I guess that Mathew McConaughy isn't a bad choice to play Dirk Pitt, but obviously they didn't look very hard since he was also the executive producer of the movie. I guess what bugs me the most is that they didn't really follow the book at all. They switched up the order of events and even created a new ending that just wasn't plausible. I'm not saying that the book was completely plausible; I just think that it was a lot easier to believe what was happening in the book than it was in the movie.

Anyway, so far Netflix isn't so bad.

Today I was informed that as of February I'll no longer have a job. Apparently my entire department is getting laid off and all of the work we do is going to get out sourced. I'm pretty disappointed. It is not the end of the world, I'm sure I could find another job in four months; I'm just going to miss the people I've met at work.

It also means that I need to reevaluate my current priorities. The illustration projects I have been working on and planning to start soon need get put on the back burner for now. I'll have focus in on finishing up my website and getting my resumé up to date.

My to-do list:

1. build a flash based splash page
2. remove my front page PHP redirect
3. update my web design portfolio
4. remove a bunch of my older illustrations from the site
5. double check the HTML and CSS mark up
6. post up a resume with printable CSS style
7. build new "contact" and "about" pages

My plan to take a break from being a workaholic for year is totally kaput. At least it was fun while it lasted.

Remember, remember, the Fifth of November, the Gunpowder Treason and Plot. I know of no reason why the Gunpowder Treason should ever be forgot...

It's Guy Fawkes day; remember to question your leaders, remember to oppose tyranny, remember to fight injustice in all of its forms. Remember that our freedoms were granted to us by our revolutionary founders. Founders that were once called terrorists. Take nothing for granted.

I think I need to start using my humidifier. I think that my apartment is so dry that it is keeping me from getting a full night's sleep. This fitful sleep nightmare BS is just ridiculous, I'm 26; I should be sleeping like a log.

It is funny for me to think of love as a drug, but I was reading this article on howstuffworks.com which takes a look at the chemical responses in the brain during relationships. Being in love literally releases hormones that give you a high. Oxytocin, Vasopressin, and endorphins seem to help create emotional bonds and instill a general sense of well being. When the relationship stops, the hormones stop getting produced. While we are emotionally most vulnerable our bodies start going through withdrawal. It isn't pleasant to live through, but the science behind it is pretty cool.

Meeting people is like trying to solve a puzzle with shifting pieces. As you talk, ask questions, and tell stories an image of the person begins to form in your mind. If you are lucky, the person you meet is actually someone you want to get to know. If you're not lucky, you waste time and suffer through awkward moments, embarrassment, and irreconcilable differences in opinion.

But when does someone cease being a stranger? At what point do you know someone enough that you start to care about their life? Is it a matter of how much you know about them, or is it what you know about them?

I think that it is what you know about someone that makes them seem closer to you. Because there will always be little details about someone that you'll never learn. The important parts of them are what help us envision the big picture. Knowing that someone is bright, that they love their dog, or that they are close to their father are all pieces that fit together. Learning more about them certainly changes how you look at them, but the big pieces, the pieces that make you like someone; they are already in place.

As I mentioned before, the company I was working for was going to lay me off in February. Ordinary I would stick around until then, but because I was working as a contractor I wouldn't be getting any severance package. Thankfully, it only took me a few weeks for me to find a new job. Starting next month I'll be working full time as a web designer for LogMeIn, Inc.

I'm very excited about it. I'll be doing a lot more pure design work and I'll be given a lot more responsibilities. Plus, the company seems like a good match for me and the people seem really nice. It doesn't get much better than that.

Rather than returning to my one year "break" from doing side work I've decided that it is time get back into the swing of things. It looks like I have a couple of up coming freelance web projects and I've started a fair sized illustration project. With luck I'll be posting more on those in the next few weeks.

In addition, I'm going to be adding a "recent websites" module to my home page and rebuilding my "store" section next week. So, stay tuned.

Dan - rockin' out with Brian and Eric

This weekend Joe and I threw a party at our new apartment. Most of these photos are from after when the party started to die down and we only had a few hardcore party goers left. We ended up playing rock band until almost dawn.

It is 4:00am and I am wide awake. I really, really shouldn't be awake still, but there it is. I'm not really sure what happened. I went to bed at 10:30 because I had a long day at work and by 2:00am I was downloading music off iTunes just to pass the time.

Incidentally, the soundtrack to "the darjeeling limited" is a mix of really good songs and strange acoustics.

Yep, only another 2 hours and 36 minutes before my alarm goes off. If I didn't have a lot to do at work tomorrow (today?) I would just give up and go do something...

Ok, so I've decided to just give up on a good night of rest and embrace the sweet joy of zombie-like wakefulness. Around 5:30 I got up and went to the white hen to pick up some bread and a couple of those 5-hour energy drinks.

If you believe what this guy has to say about it, it may just keep me alert enough to get through the rest of my day.

I am wondering how safe these things are. Most of those really crappy energy drinks are just super doses of caffeine and sugar. According to the bottle this thing doesn't have any sugar, and only as much caffeine as a cup of coffee. It does have almost twice as much B6, B12, and Niacin as a can of Red Bull. So, basically all this thing does is shock your metabolic rate into high gear. Ok... I'm going to down it.

[ cracks open bottle and drinks contents ]

Well I'm not dead yet, but I definitely just had a mad scientist / Doctor Jekyl moment there. I half expected the liquid to be giving off vapors. I need to go get ready for work now, but if I don't write again assume this stuff killed me..

Rome from above

After a long and boring flight we arrived in Budapest. Unfortunately, my luggage didn't make the trip the whole way. So, after talking to some people in baggage claim, Derek and I took a cab over to the hotel. He wanted to take a nap, so we split up for a few hours. I wasn't very tired; I had been awake for way too long, but it still felt like the middle of the day. So instead I took a bath. Soaked away some of aches from being stuck on a plane for so long.

After that we met up again took a walk down the man street here. We tried to go to the art museum, but it was closed already. It was right outside of Hero's Square though, so we took a bunch of pictures and walked around instead. Below are a couple of those photos, I'll post the rest of them later.

The art museum

part of a set of cool statues

We also went to the mall, where I bought some new clothing to wear. It took me a little while to get used to the currency difference. The easist way to remember it it that $10 is equal to 15,000 hungarian

My hotel is absolutely beautiful by the way. The rooms are huge too. My hotel room, is actually 2 bedrooms, two bathrooms, 1 living room, 1 kitchen, and a balcony. There is more room here than in my apartment.

bedroom #1

bathroom #1

living room

more of the living room

bathroom #2

bedroom #2

kitchen

So, that it for now, hopefully my suitcase will catch up with me at some point and I'll have a good day at work tomorrow.

Army of the twelve monkeys?

So what do you do in Budapest on a Monday night? Well, if there is a thunder storm going on like there is tonight, you stay in your hotel room and drink instant coffee while watching NCIS and Numbers in Hungarian. For the record, the voice actors in Numbers are much better than the ones doing NCIS. Hip-hip-hurray for TV2

Good news; my suitcase caught up with me. I guess I jumped the gun a bit buying new clothing yesterday. Although I'm still glad I did, otherwise I never would have bought my new kick ass Euro-punk jacket. It was a steal too at 12,300 Forints (less than ten bucks). I was really glad I got my stuff back though, I blame my troubles all solely on Italy.

I woke up his morning around 6am (midnight back in the states) which was waaaay too early. It seems that even with jet lag and sleep deprivation my bouts of insomnia continue. It turned out to be useful for once though, I got up and went out into the city early. Nothing was open. apparently nothing opens here until around 10ish. It was disappointing; so I went back to the hotel and took a few more photos.

I met up with Derek after that and we went out and got breakfast from this great Italian cafe down the street. The coffee here is amazing. We went to work for the next 8 hours or so... pretty much just like it is in the states except I was working on my lap top. The office looks interesting, very cool. Don't let that fool you - there isn't any air conditioning inside and it gets pretty hot in Budapest.

When work was over Derek, Gerzson, and I went out for drinks. Gerzson took us to the "Negro". A bar right next to St. Stephen's Basilica. Gerzson says that it was named after a famous Hungarian candy that was black and looked like pieces of coal.

Gerzson, the last one in the office

St. Stephen's Basilica

It started to rain after a while and Gerzson had to leave in a hurry. He rides a bike to work everyday and wanted to get home before it started to pour. Derek and I waited for the check and then started to head back to the hotel. On the way we ran into Andrew Burton, another one of our coworkers from the US that had just arrived. As we walked to the hotel we passed a street corner that has a "gentleman's strip club" and a "Szex shop". Now, I'm not certain, because I don't speak more than two words in Hungarian, but I'm pretty sure a girl on that corner asked me if "We wanted to have a good time tonight". I gave her one glance, realized what she was, and sped up walking a little. I have to say; in all of my travels... that is the first time that has happened. It was very surreal.

Derek, Andrew, and I split up and went to our own rooms after talking for a bit. I got back, took off my wet clothing and put on the TV. Now, I'm going to watch Law and Order and then go to bed. I'll write more tomorrow.

Andrassy Street

Today I had a very long day at work, and afterwards Derek and I went out to take photos. We didn't get a chance to leave until 9pm out time, and we didn't get back until after midnight. As I'm writing this it is almost 2am now, so I'm really tired. We walked all the way from our hotel in Pest, over the river to Budapest Castle in Buda. On the way back we stopped at the Burger King that we think one of our coworkers (Jamie Wright) got assaulted in a few years ago.

I took over 150 photos today...but I won't post them all until I get back home.

*sigh*

I'm very tired. I don't have a lot of time to post, but I'll say this for now and write more as soon as I can. Last night Derek and I met up with Sean Jordon, Jamie Wright, and Jeff to get drinks in the executive lounge in the hotel. Then afterwards Sean, Derek and I went out on the town. We went to this really cool bar that loosely translates as "beer garden". Then we went to this club that looks like was built into the back of an old condemned building. It reminds me of the opening scene of Blade were they walk through a meat packing plant to get to the club.

Ok, thats it for now. I'll be back tomorrow!

Today was just awesome. I had a really great day at work. All of the designers got together and went over a lot of the design issues we have with the LogMeIn website. I realized today what a frustrating situation the designers in the Budapest office are in. Most of their previous design work was compromised by product managers. I'm not saying that is wrong for product managers to have input into the designs of the products they manage, but it explains most of the strange inconsistencies we've encountered. Most of the things we want to do with the site either got approved or got a "if you can get it approved, do it". So, I'm very happy. I think the website will be taking a huge leap in reaching its full potential.

As if that wasn't good enough, after work (and some packing) Derek and I met up with one of our Budapest coworkers, Mike Zwecker. Mike is an honest to god former rock star. I'm not even exaggerating. He was the drummer for one of the biggest bands here in Hungary. He took us to A38 to see a concert. A38 is an old Russian freight ship that was permanently docked and converted into a swanky restaurant on top, and a grungy concert hall on the bottom.

A38 from the street

A38 was originally Artemovszk 38 when it was used by the Russians

Derek and I had to buy tickets to get in, but Mike just walked in like he owned the place. His old band had played here a bunch of times, and he knew everyone. He even got us backstage where we got drinks from the private bar just below the performer's changing rooms. The big band that was playing was Amber Smith, part of what Mike called the "Anglo Rock Scene". The band came down to the bar before they went on stage and we hung out with their drummer for a while. Mike and him are friends so he introduced us to everyone.

The backstage bar, built into the old engine room of the ship

Derek and I both thought they rocked. We liked the song "Welcome to the CIA"...

Alright, it's almost 4am here, I need to go to bed. :0)

First off, I went ahead posted all of my photos from Budapest in the Photos Section

In other news, I went to a wedding this weekend. It was a Hindu wedding, and it was in New York, so I had to drive for 4 hours to get there. It was worth it though.

At the wedding

Shari and Sam (Sam's the bride)

Shari and I (hahaha)

if anyone is interested, you can download the rest of the wedding photos here.