I have way too much time on my hands. Too much time to think always has mixed results. I've been reflecting about my own thought patterns lately. As far as I can tell I have at least four different categories of thoughts.

• Action Oriented Thoughts
• Pure Emotions
• Conscious Inner Dialogue
• In-between Thoughts (uncontrollable inner dialogue)

Action Oriented Thoughts are simple commands that require little effort. For instance, if my nose is itchy and I scratch it. There isn't any inner dialogue involved with this, my body simple responses to a neural impulse I'm generally unaware of.

Pure Emotions are pretty rare for me, so when I have them the hit me hard. Pure Emotions are when something you feel that is so powerful it drowns out all inner dialogue. Sobbing on the floor until you pass out might be a good example of this, but so would the waves of euphoria I get sometimes just by looking at someone I love.

Conscious Inner Dialogue is the form of thoughts that I have the most control over. I talk to myself in my own head to solve problems, daydream, and otherwise "think" about things. Conscious Inner Dialogue seems to be what people generally use to make their everyday decisions.

In-between Thoughts are what drive me nuts. These are the thoughts that I catch myself having in-between Conscious Inner Dialogue thoughts. They seem to be uncontrollable, and often reflect my overall mental health at the time. I suspect that they are parts of my sub-conscious bubbling up into my everyday thought patterns. I think that because although they often elicit an emotional response, they don't seem to be emotions themselves. Over the years I've had a myriad of different thoughts that would pop up in my head. This includes things like "I love her", "I want her back", "you should just kill yourself", songs that get stuck in my head, and old memories. Sometimes they are good, sometimes bad, but always distracting.

All of this brought me around to thinking about what I would give to have complete control over my own mind. What would I do to free myself of the painful thoughts and emotions I'm chained to. Would I give my right arm for it? It's hard to say. What kind of person would I be if I did? Would I be happy all the time, or would I be emotionally cold? I guess I'll never know...